I keep my visions to myself (and on my blog)

So I am really into dreams, analyzing them and drive myself crazy always over what they mean and I believe most are omens. Unfortunately I have an awful memory and try to write everything down if I find it important enough to do so.

I recently had a dream with something that is always re-occurring which is a boy, usually the boy I have a crush, the boy I had a crush on but never got, the boy I dream who will be gay only for me, but never the boy I had cheap sex with once to twice or thrice. But he usually manifests himself in some man that I always have the same feelings for in each dream and will usually change into one of these manifestations more than once in the same dream, and when I wake up even though I usually am aware of most the manifestations of this boy I know exactly which one the dream was actually about.

So this was a dream I had on Sunday
It started on a draw bridge. My clothes were all out of their suitcases spread around me on the bridge (like they are in reality in my room, I usually live out of my suitcases). On the bridge I had the man who operates the bridge yelling at me to get my shit together, I was extremely nervous and rushing to get my shit together. As I am rushing HE shows up to help me. He stays calm, cool and collected, while I panic, frantically gathering my clothes as not to loose all my choice vintage pieces, my skinny jeans and my precious shoes. He watches me while I am scared and the operator man yells at me over and over again, I catch him in the corner of my eye smiling at me. I finally give up and stuff into a backpack the important gifts from my friends; a ring, a necklace, a bracelet, and a shirt from my ex.. I stand to the side with him and he holds my hand as we watch the bridge ascend as my clothes and suitcases slide down into the river that is flowing into an ocean. As it is ascending, the cord snaps and the bridge takes me and swings around.

My dream then transcends me somehow and I don't know where I am going. I don't know where I am going but don't mind as I am sad he is not there.

I feel this dream has some significance because

a) it did not end in sex with him as most of them usually do (usually him manifested as a straight man)

b) whenever the ocean is usually in my dream it is almost always the Pacific and in this one I was sure it was the Atlantic

c) I kept falling in and out of sleep but having the continuous same theme of the dream which is also rare for me.

I need to see a psychic anyways because my life has been to chaotic lately, I have gotten a lot of other advice from various other people through tarot cards horoscopes that both said in the next coming month it will be a very hard month for me in work, moving to my new place, starting my party, releasing my zine, etc. etc... and in doing all this I must learn how to accept criticism in a more welcoming way. I think after all is said and done a vacation back to California is well deserved.

anyways...i will be posting pictures later today from my shitty disposable camera from a party I went too but for now enjoy this